I grew up in a family of academic and career high-achievers, and it was the norm to hear public accolades about my family members. When I received straight As in school, not only did I receive academic awards, I was financially rewarded by my parents as their love language was money 💚 💵 

Thus, I came to believe that if I did the right things, I would get rewarded with recognition and money, which would lead to praise and happiness. 😊

Practicality was a core value in our family. In Thailand, it wasn’t the norm for people to follow their passion; the lesson passed down to me was that if I liked anything artistic or unconventional (I had a knack for drawing 🎨, wanted to work on a cruise ship 🛳, and wanted to become an animal trainer at a zoo 🐘), then I could do them as hobbies. 

But for my career, I should be practical and get a “real job.” 👩🏻‍💼 There were no talks about doing something because you’re passionate or it brings you joy.

After moving to Canada and finishing my undergraduate degree in a big beautiful city by the ocean that I loved, instead of staying, I moved 4,500km away to a "frozen hellhole" 🥶 of a small town to pursue my PhD, thinking that I would be awarded corporate advancement, impressive job titles, and societal recognition. 

I thought if I were practical and suffered now, I'd get a reward later. 

And these beliefs and way of being helped me appear to be “successful” for a while. 

But inside, I was struggling. 😖

During graduate school, I started to develop bowel problems. A specialist did a thorough check up and concluded that there was nothing physically wrong with me, so it must be stress, and advised me to “just meditate.” I ignored this advice, decided to just keep pushing through the suffering to get the five-year PhD program over with, and hoped the bowel issues would go away on their own. I didn’t take managing stress seriously. 

When I finally passed my PhD defense 👩🏻‍🎓, I thought that I would feel ecstatic and great. Through frozen sweat and tears, I finally climbed to the top of the mountain 🧗🏻‍♀️, people were congratulating me, and I was getting the recognition I wanted. But I didn’t feel happy or fulfilled; I just felt a sense of relief. 🙁

At this point, I was still choosing the practical route, and instead of following my dreams of backpacking the world after my program, I chose to climb the corporate ladder. 👩🏻‍💼

In the corporate world, I worked hard to do the right things, but found myself in a system that wasn’t necessarily fair, with power and politics going into rewards like promotional decisions. And when I finally got my promotion, I still didn’t feel happy or fulfilled. 🙁

And I was so tired. I thought life was a finite game, so I was sprinting hard to get to the finish line. But as I rounded the corner, turns out it was only the beginning of an ultramarathon. 🏃🏻‍♀️😳

These events were such a huge blow to my belief system and have used up so much of my energy that my brain just went offline. I didn’t even feel sad, just numb. I barely got out of bed to get ready to go to work on time. Sure, at work I was acting as if everything was ok, but inside it wasn’t. 

Have you ever felt that you worked so hard to accomplish your goals, but ended up just feeling empty? 🙁

For a while I was numb, dejected, and felt my life force diminishing. 

I wanted a way out and, in desperation, tried something that I have never done before. I started to listen to spiritual talks about life, loss, suffering, and compassion. During this time, the key message that struck me the most was, 

“May this serve as an awakening.”

In those few weeks, it sounds so cheesy, but I remember vividly that, at the time, I literally felt like I was unplugging from the “Matrix” and saw the world as it really was for the first time. I was awakened. 🕯I finally realized that life wasn’t how I thought it was. 

I realized that you can make all the practical decisions, you can do all the “right” things, you can delay gratification, and you can suffer now, and still not get the outcome or reward you want. 

And worse yet; you may get the money, status, and recognition, but when you get them, there may just be a sense of emptiness. 🙁

I finally realized that I was climbing the wrong mountain and chasing the wrong dreams. And when I chased dreams that don’t actually lead to fulfillment, joy, or a meaningful life, my soul started to die. 

So what did I do? I decided to break free from “doing the right things,” from always being practical, from always chasing money, status, and recognition, and from following rules that didn’t even end with a real reward. 

I started to design a life that was aligned with my values and the lifestyle that I wanted. I was going to go after my dream life that aligned to my heart! ❤️ 

I started to think, “What did I want to make money for anyway?” And the real reason was to travel to see the world, and to see family and friends around the world! 🌏 Those were the things that brought joy to my heart. 

So I finally followed my dreams of seeing the world, and I lived happily ever after 😌

.

.

.

Fuck no, that didn’t happen because I STILL DIDN’T LEARN MY LESSON. This is how I found out the truth in the saying, “You will keep learning the lesson until you LEARN it.” 😫

In the middle of this discovery phase, a job became available that was perfectly tailored to my PhD training, and I delayed my travels again to jump on it. 👩🏻‍💻

Before long, I was overtaken by stress and bowel issues that led to insomnia, which led to erratic mood swings. Sometimes it would take all my energy to stop crying in the morning just to make it to work on time. 😭

At this point, it dawned on me that I may never be able to travel the world because I could barely eat, sleep, or think clearly.

I felt an existential crisis and just saw darkness in my future.

Have you ever felt like the future seemed dark and filled with despair? 

I was there, and I feel you. It’s a suffering like no other. 

After a year of suffering, a specialist finally confirmed that my type A personality was wreaking havoc on my nervous system, causing irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), and lack of sleep. 

He prescribed medication that calmed my nervous system, the IBS symptoms subsided, and I was able to sleep again. 😴

So, I finally decided FOR REAL THIS TIME, that I couldn't wait any longer to go after my dream of world travel. So what if it’s not financially practical? So what if I couldn’t find a job if people saw a gap in my resume? 

This was my dream, and I would regret not going for it on my deathbed, so I had to go or else I may not have another chance!

I finalized my new world travel plans, I got all the vaccines, I researched and bought gear, I booked the first three legs of my flight from Canada, to USA, to Thailand, to Japan, I got out of my lease, I sold and donated all my things, I said goodbye to my friends. 

✈️ And I finally quit my job to go live my dreams on March 12, 2020...

...while Covid shut down the world. 🦠

.

.

.

Sure, this situation was a huge blow to my life plans, and I was very upset. 

🌟 But I was different this time and did not go back to my habitual patterns. I did not choose the financially practical path of asking for my job back, I did not ignore my stress from this new life circumstance, and I did not delay my happiness and other life dreams. 

🌟  I decided to prioritize managing my stress. I began working with a therapist and a life coach. I began meditating, practicing mindfulness, and self-compassion. I began designing a life in alignment with my values, and acquiring the mental and emotional skills necessary to elevate my way to being to make it come true.

🌟  I realized that happiness doesn’t come from external accomplishments, but from a cultivated mindset. Despite not being able to follow my dreams yet again, I was able to sit at home and be joyful of the little things in life--sunshine, fresh air, ability to sleep, to eat, to walk, to laugh, and to smile. I learned to express daily gratitude and practice savouring. 

🌟  I realized that life is an infinite game, and I had to approach it differently. I learned to set process goals that are based on daily joy vs outcome goals based on “hard” metrics like money, status, and recognition, and to trust that doing so will lead me closer to a path of fulfillment in life.

🌟  I learned to choose joy now and not delay my dreams. Instead of waiting for when we can travel the world again, I moved back to the beautiful, big city by the ocean that I loved where I thought my heart belongs. 

And, guess what? My soul is on fire! 🔥

Now, I feel less angst, less stress, and less anger. There is a lightness of being, and despite Covid, I have a general sense of optimism for my life. 😌

I still have moments of wanting to get back into that game and measure myself against those “hard” metrics (like when a colleague’s promotion pops up on LinkedIn). But, I remind myself that doing so didn’t bring me lasting fulfillment or happiness, and wouldn’t really matter to me on my deathbed. 

We are never promised a tomorrow; our health may deteriorate, the world may face another pandemic, or heck, we may die. 

🌟 Because of this, I’m on a mission to help people break free from restraint and take action now to achieve their dreams and create the extraordinary and fulfilling life that they are meant to live. 

So on their deathbed, they can look back at their life and say that they are dying with a full heart and without any regrets. 

CLICK THE BUTTON below TO LET ME KNOW if you also want to go out like a fucking meteor! ☄️