I had my “mid-life crisis” at 34. 😨
At first, I didn’t realize what it was, because if you look up “mid-life crisis”, the internet tells you it’s a condition that “may occur from the ages of 45-64.”
But when you look at the symptoms, it’s basically around:
having accomplished all your external goals like getting that job, buying that house, and having that family and you’re still not happy, or
being at a certain age in life and you feel like you haven’t accomplished all that you have set out to.
I DEFINITELY felt elements of BOTH of these.
Despite achieving my goals of getting my PhD and a good-paying job at a great organization, I still wasn’t happy. Furthermore, I thought that by this age I would be further along in life by being married and having at least one kid already. So, I remember thinking, “Wow, most people feel this crisis in their 50s, and if I’m already feeling this at 34, then I must be a SUPER failure!”
The thoughts that I was a failure, that I wasted my time making wrong decisions in life, and that I was now stuck dealing with the consequences haunted me for a few years.
Even though I eventually came to terms with the fact that I was making the best decision I could with the information I had at the time, and that time wasn’t really wasted (it was for me to collect real data points about what made me happy or not), I still couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that I still wasted my time somehow.
And this story—that I was someone who made wrong decisions, and someone who may waste time again with any new decision I made—was an emotional weight that kept me back from fully imagining a brighter future. It was a smudge in my lens preventing me from clearly seeing what was really possible for me. 🕶
😫 How have you been punishing yourself for not being where you think you should be in life by now?
But then something shifted…
I was reading a book by Shirzad Chamine, Founder of Positive Intelligence, that said:
“Many of the CEOs I coach who are in their MID-FORTIES or EARLY FIFTIES show signs of a mid-life crisis of some sort. Ironically, the deepest crises are experienced by those who have attained many of the goals they had set out to achieve. These goals often have to do with financial achievements and reaching the pinnacle of one’s profession. The crisis comes from finally achieving these long-sought-after goals and realizing that the promised happiness that was supposed to accompany them is nowhere to be found.” (Emphasis mine)
As I was reading this, it hit me! ⚡️
“Wow, it would actually suck to go through this crisis when I’m mid-forties or early fifties, and feel that I had ‘wasted’ even MORE time. So actually, for me to have had this crisis so early on is like receiving the GIFT OF TIME!” 🎁
It struck me in that moment that, if I have continued to live in the same way I was living before, which already led to health issues and negative world views, who knows what other health issues or even more negative world views I would have developed!? 🤯
That early-on crisis was a shock to my system to reevaluate what made me unhappy vs happy, and it motivated me to intensely dedicate a year of my life to seeking professional help from a life coach, various therapists, a dietician, a few physical therapists, and even a personal trainer who all helped me quickly uninstall all the “wrong” (read: destructive) ways of being, thinking, and feeling, and to instead install healthier and more constructive ways to live and view life. 🌱
It turns out that the younger we are when we embrace change, the easier it is to build a more positive future, because there has been less time for our bad patterns in behaviours and thinking to consolidate in our brains and bodies. 🐣
The earlier we recognize what is NOT working for us, the MORE TIME we have to build our lives in the direction that will honour the health of our bodies and light our souls on fire. 🔥
Thus, if you are going through a 1/3 or even a quarter life crisis, the only way to stop seeing your life as “wasting” your youth is to reframe it as receiving the GIFT OF TIME. 🎁
And if you continue to practice this positive reframe,
👁 you will start noticing that YOU have the POWER to CHANGE your own STORY,
🐛 you will start SHEDDING the EMOTIONAL WEIGHT that was holding you back,
👓 you will see more and MORE CLEARLY that your PAST DOES NOT have to DICTATE your FUTURE, and
🦋 you are FREE to IMAGINE and CREATE whatever beautiful FUTURE you desire.
Your story isn’t a story of waste and failure. Your story can be a story of learning and exploration. ⛵️
Drop me a 🎁 emoji below if you’re committed to seeing your crisis as a gift AND if you know someone in your life who may be going through a crisis and need a little boost in reframing, share this post with them!