Are you the type of person who gets mad at yourself when you don’t follow through with your own self-imposed plan? 😡 And then that ruins your entire day? 😠 Well, there’s another way! 🙌🏻
TRANSCRIPTION FROM VIDEO:
If you're the type of person who...you have goals and plans, you want to achieve, and then you go try to execute it, and you don't...it doesn't happen due to some extraneous circumstances, and you get super angry at yourself and berate yourself. Here are some tips.
The other day, there was a huge warehouse sale at this one store, and it's a bit far. But I've been liking walking. It’ll take like an hour walk to get there and an hour walk back.
I’m like, ok, I'm going to prepare my podcast. I'll make sure I listen on the way there and back. I can even cram in two episodes! #PodcastOverAchiever
And, ok, I'll go get in line early; they were opening at 10. And with these warehouse sales. If you are the kind of, like me, I like to go early so that I'll be like, first in line, and then get in and get out ASAP. It's supposed to be opening at 10, so I'm like, okay I'll make it there by 9:30.
The plan was walk one hour, so leave the house at 8:30, get there at 9:30. Maybe stand in line for a bit, 30 minutes max. Then do the shopping, and then leave, and walk back, and listen to the podcast for another hour.
The morning started off not well already, because there was some kind of...I was changing some medication and some health issues was going on, and I was like not feeling as well, so I didn’t want to leave right at 8:30.
I ended up leaving at almost 10am. But you know what, it's fine. It's a bit later but I'll just still go
Actually, no, I left at 9, and I got there at almost 10, like right before 10, and I see the line, and I’m like, “Ok whatever”.
I was gonna get in line...I see the front [and thought], “Ok, whatever.” And then I see the side (“Ok, whatever.”) Then they go back in a back alley.
So basically this line was three blocks long, but you couldn’t see from the front, because it was kind of like the front, side, and around the back.
At this point, I was like, “Ok, I can stand in this humongous line for God knows how long, or just go on with my day, because I didn't plan to actually stand in line for a long time.”
My past self would have been angry with myself. The inner self-talk would’ve been something like,
“You’re so stupid. Why didn’t you leave earlier? You were gonna leave at this time, why didn’t you do it? See? Now there's a line, you can't get in, and it's a waste of time. You're wasting your time. You’re wasting your day.”
So that's the previous inner talk I would have with myself, and then I'll get disappointed with myself, walk back in an angry mood. It might ruin my whole day.
💡But there's a way to get better at separating yourself from that voice, if it does come up. Or don't get sucked in the story in the first place.
Maybe you get there, like, “Oh, I should have left earlier!” Just wait to speak nicely back to yourself,
“It’s okay but your stomach was hurting this morning. So it totally makes sense that you left later actually. That’s actually you taking care of yourself. You didn't have to come to this thing. You don’t actually have a real need to be here at all. You just imposed this on yourself.”
So recognizing more and more that these are all self-imposed things that I'm trying to do, and I don't even have to do in the first place.
So there's no point getting angry!
At this point the self talk becomes more like...instead of, “You’re so stupid. Why did you come late? And now you're wasting your time, wasting your day.”
It became more like, “Oh, okay, well, I came late because my stomach hurt. And now I'm here, the line is long. Well, I could either just stand here in line, listen to the podcast, and have more time to listen to the podcast.” Or, “You know what, I don't really need this stuff here anyway. So why don't you just go walk to explore a new area, because you haven't walked to this area of the city?”
Then that's what I did actually!
You know, it was kind of disappointing [that] I didn't get to go to the store.
💡 But it's one of the things where you look at your life values and what you want to accomplish, and being here was a bit of cool to get some cheaper stuff 80% off, but I didn't really actually need those things in my life.
And I have bigger values of health, learning that matters more actually.
I'm like, “You know what? This is an opportunity to explore the city. I get to learn more from my podcast, actually this is a good thing!”
So I took a totally different path back home, because it’s another hour walk, I don’t usually come this way. Found some new restaurant and new bakery. Actually tried another new bakery, and it was actually...it was okay. It wasn't that good, but then now I know there's a bakery there.
And so it became a nice exploration day actually!
So that's a way to turn things around right?
If you're the kind of person who, when you make a mistake or you didn't come upon your own plan, and you berate yourself, there's a way to speak to yourself kindly, pivot, be flexible and know what is your highest value, and is your action aligned to it?
And I'm pretty sure nobody's highest value is to punish yourself and be angry at yourself, right?
It's connecting back to, why am I doing in the first place? What does it mean?
And be flexible about what's happening, because there are some kind of uncontrolled situation that happened, and giving yourself permission to say it's okay that you want to change what you're doing today, and just move on with your life.
And actually, I had a great time!
So that’s possible for you, too, and I wanted to share some of those kind of little stories that people outside looking at you might not notice the internal turmoil that you're going through. But I'm pretty sure whoever has experienced this knows what I'm talking about.
And there are ways to work at that.
So good luck with being more flexible with yourself, being kind with yourself, and have a great day! 😎