Have you ever felt that, without your inner nagging, critical voice telling you what a fuck up you are, you would never get anything done?
I have! 🙋🏻♀️
Backstory: I started doing these 30-min morning walks first thing in the morning because I learned that getting sun in your eyes before 10am is good for melatonin production for sleep. And as someone who, for a period in her life, struggled a lot with lack of sleep and its negative consequences, I have been determined to make sleep a priority. (If you’re curious, check out the video I made about this).
Anywho...the other day, I woke up a bit later than usual and, since I had an important meeting later in the day and needed to prep, instead of just getting up and going straight to do my walk, my internal dialogue of resistance started:
“Alright Pylin...time to go do your 30-min walk.”
“Urg, but I don’t feel like it today; and I am already behind because I woke up late.”
Usually, what shows up next for me would be a self-berating, super critical voice;
“But you have to go. You promised yourself you will do this daily. Stop being so lazy. What’s wrong with you? Just fucking go!”
This would normally go on for a while, until I would finally get so frustrated that I would succumb to this internal beating, and go do what I was “supposed” to do.
But I wouldn’t be happy about it. I would feel pressured, stressed, and annoyed.
🤔 Have you ever heard this internal unpleasant, judgmental, and scolding voice “forcing” you to do something you told yourself you had to do?
Maybe you tried forcing yourself to finish an entire blog for your side hustle.
Maybe you tried pressuring yourself to do the 60-min online bootcamp class.
Maybe you tried twisting your own arm into cooking yourself an elaborate, uber healthy meal with 20 ingredients.
Because, you know...that’s what you “should” do.
I relate this voice to that of a “shrew.” 🧟♀️
For those of you who don’t know, a “shrew,” as a stock character in literature, is “an unpleasant, ill-tempered [person] characterized by scolding, nagging, and aggression.”
(Side note: it’s actually always a “woman,” but we ain’t got no time for this sexist crap, so you do you shrew.)
But back to my busy morning. Like I said, usually, I would have hashed it out with my inner shrew until s/he finally won, and I would begrudgingly do what I was supposed to do.
This has happened many, many times, so much so that I started believing I’d never get anything done without the shrew. Because, after all, isn’t that what s/he’s there for? 🧟♀️
However, on this particular morning, things were different. Instead of the usual shrew voice saying the negative, critical, and aggressive things, a different voice emerged. 🧚♀️
“Ok, no problem, Pylin. How about this. You don’t have to do an entire 30-min walk because you feel a time crunch. How about you just go right outside your condo, and stand in the sun? At least you’ll get some of it! And if you don’t feel like walking, that’s ok, just come back.”
This voice was understanding, calm, and encouraging. It was a friendly support that recognized how I was feeling, and also gently nudged me to do a tiny action it knew I would appreciate, just to see what would happen. And it gave me permission to not do what I didn’t want to do. 🧚♀️
With this invitation, I took myself outside, and after standing right outside the building for a few minutes, I found myself “magically” compelled to do the walk, and ended up doing the entire 30-min walk anyway without any resistance!
I was able to achieve what I originally set out to do, not with internal pressure, and feeling frustrated and judgemental towards myself, but rather with a sense of ease, flow, and gentleness. 💆🏻♀️
Wait, whaaat!? I didn’t even know that was possible!?!?!? #mindblown 🤯
For as long as I can remember, I have been beating myself up towards my goals. I didn’t realize there was another way to approach them.
Of course, this calming voice didn’t come out of nowhere; To get to this point, I’ve had to be very intentional to work on my inner dialogue to quiet and tame my inner shrew. 🧟♀️
But the results have been wonderful! More and more, I found myself getting shit done from a place of joy and calm, and not from blame, shame, and guilt. 💆🏻♀️
💡 The thing is, if you want to feel less internal pressure while getting things done, then start noticing your negative self-talk; when you are using guilt, shame, and blame as motivation?
If you catch yourself doing so, instead, try speaking to yourself kindly, like an understanding friend. 🧚♀️
And if you add a little bit of mental jiu-jitsu, you might even be able to gently trick yourself into doing a tiny version of the task.🥋
For example, instead of writing the entire blog post, tell yourself that you will turn on your laptop and write just one word.
Instead of completing the entire 60-min online bootcamp class, tell yourself that you will do just the warm-up.
Instead of cooking the elaborate, uber healthy meal with 20 ingredients, tell yourself that you will just cut up one avocado.
When you do this, one of three things could happen;
🏆 You may end up only doing the small action, and that’s ok! Give yourself permission to not go hard on yourself that day because of the natural ebb and flow or your energy.
🏆 You may do a bit more than the minimum, but not the entire thing, and that’s better than nothing!
🏆 You may even end up completing the entire thing anyway (like my example above), because you got on a roll by giving yourself permission to just do the tiny action. And it was completed without the internal stress and pressure. It just became a natural flow of the full expression of the action.
Now, you might think that there is no way you can drop your inner shrew or the harsh, critical voice, because that is the fuel to your fire to drive you to get shit done. 🧟♀️ 🔥
I used to think this, too. I used to believe that the only way I would do anything productive and achieve my goals was to be harsh with myself. And if I let myself “off the hook,” I would end up being a lazy blob who didn’t get anything done. 🥱
But it turns out that that story was a lie told by the inner shrew. That critical shrew made me falsely believe that I needed it and its judgemental ways to get shit done. ❌ 🧟♀️
But, once I separated my inner shrew 🧟♀️ from my own internal drive to achieve 🔥, I found that I was still able to achieve all the things without the internal anguish and emotional drama that turns out was caused by the shrew!
The next time you notice yourself forcing yourself to do something, and you start feeling the inner pressure bubbling up,
🌬 Take a few deep breaths
🧚♀️ Speak to yourself gently and kindly
🥋 And just try doing the tiniest version of it.
If you’re ready to leave the shrew behind, and to get shit done while feeling more at ease, leave your favourite emoji below!👇🏻